Dick Clark must be undead. He was born in November 30, 1929 as a human being, but now: he is transformed into a living zomgee. On December 8, 2004, Mr. Clark mysteriously suffers from a stroke; unbeknownst to us, he is taking on his new form as a reanimated corpse. After revealing his new self in 2005, blind followers assume he retains a post-stroke condition. How else does he assume his youthful disposition? I bet if that teleprompter wasn’t there he wouldn’t be able to count down from twenty; he certainly has trouble enough even with its aid. Watch it again; see how he strains so hard; he must be there by some Haitian voodoo. Zomgee will be the headquarters of the Official Dick-Clark-Is-A-Zombie-Watch campaign.
I’ve never made a true new-year’s resolution, but my monitor’s display resolution is set to 1440 x 900 pixels. I did commit myself to stop consuming carbonated beverages for no reason whatsoever during 2004 (not new year’s). Still in this condition for almost 4 years, it seems to be optimal for energy management. Energy gained vs. life unenjoyed by not consuming delicious drink is probably not at an optimal ratio, but this is neither here nor there.
The idea of a New Year’s resolution has been argued to be derived from similar traditions of Lent and/or Yom Kippur. Either way, our liminal calendar denotes a time to reflect what we’ve done since last time around our sun and what we might do this time around. I wonder the percentage of people who knew about it but didn’t bother; and the percentage of people who bothered but gave up already in three days since 1/1/8. Then I want to see that statistic for every year possible; and put in an aggregate and show of growth or decline. This graph must also be in a neat design of some sort; like in the shape of confetti, the ball that dropped or someone’s fat belly that didn’t bother to loose wait this last year.