I glance at my television for one moment to find Fox News reporting a story live about a family who had been stranded in a forest in California. From Sunday to at the most Wednesday when reported rescued, a father and three kids, 12 and up, were “stranded” in the middle of Nowheretown, California trying to find “the right Christmas tree.” Oh, I’m on the edge of my seat now, bell and whooshing sound effects spam around trying to remind me how urgent this story is and how important it is for me to drop everything that I’m doing to watch Fox News and not any other channel, ever. (Side note: Apparently several websites have coined “Whooshes” for the term of these filler/attention grabbing sound effects.) Live on camera, the rescuer was interviewed about his heroic triumph; not sure if he was the pilot or not, but he was in the chopper. Over-exaggeration ensued as the ever so small window of opportunity so happened to allow them to find the frantic family on the very last pass in the helicopter. Of course it was the last pass, they found them; I don’t keep looking for my wallet after I find it. Anyway, short story long, Fox News was desperate for a “Holiday clip” that would buy them enough air-time to keep their almighty “24 hour news” status. The pilot wasn’t in a dangerous situation, the family was fine, just not smart enough to find/drink water, and the divorced mother probably just wanted to know if she could have custody now.
I always like to give people the benefit of the doubt. Hope they got their Saturnalia tree O.K. and celebrate their winter solstice, Saturn worshiping time well. Also, one cannot hate something that cannot hate them back, otherwise I’d state I hate television. The moral of the story is: Don’t go in the woods right before it snows, without a map, or without provisions to survive if you get lost. Also, don’t bother watching A Christmas Story, or any TV for that matter.