My todo list:

This is why women should not take men shopping against their will:

After Mr. and Mrs. Fenton retired, Mrs. Fenton insisted her husband accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, Mr. Fenton was like most men – he found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally, unfortunately, Mrs. Fenton was like most women – she loved to browse. One day Mrs. Fenton received the following letter from her local Wal-Mart…

Dear Mrs. Fenton,

Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behaviour and may be forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Fenton are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
2. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, “Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away.”
3. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M’s on layaway.
4. September 14: Moved a ‘CAUTION – WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.
5. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he’d invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.
6. September 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, ‘Why can’t you people just leave me alone?’
7. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
8. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled ‘PICK ME! PICK ME!’
9. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed ‘OH NO! IT’S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!’
And last, but not least…
10. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, ‘Hey! There’s no toilet paper in here!’


10 thoughts on “My todo list:”

  1. A group of friends and I in college played hide and seek in the womens section I am quite ashamed to say now that we did scare quite a few cutomers when we popped out of the clothes racks unexpectedly. In igh school we did the alarm clock thing, Played catch with footballs. Walked through the toy aisles and turn on all the annoying singing toys..which now I am paying doubly for and a few other selected but not so wise things.

    Happy Mama’s last blog post.. Sticky Kisses

  2. Don’t feel bad, Dan, because I had never heard any of these things before now (that does not mean I never had an urge to do something like this, though). A couple things I have done are playing catch with a football and trying to bounce those huge inflatable balls as high as I can without hitting anything. I also love to walk in and say, “HEELLLLOOOOOOO”. People tend to look at you funny when you do things like that.

  3. It was nice laughing about it again… I haven’t heard of anyone seriously doing any of those, but it’d be funny… there was one or two on the list of 50 I had done before I ever even got the email though…

    I wish they wouldn’t have omitted some things from this smaller list like:

    -Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the theme from “Mission Impossible.”
    -Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
    -Walk up to complete strangers and say, “Hi! I haven’t seen you in so long!…” etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.
    -Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field. (Yeah, I did that one already…)
    -As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, “Wow. Magic!”
    -Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, “…I’m Batman. Come, Robin–to the Batcave!”
    -Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men. b 33. Take bets on the battle described above.
    -Hold indoor shopping cart races. (hm, I did that too…)
    -Two words: “Marco Polo.”

    This wasn’t on the list, but me and a friend once went at 3am in the morning and lounged in the lawn and garden department and subsequently played ‘eye spy’ for the next two hours.

    ZePuKa’s last blog post.. I?m Bored.

  4. #10 would be good for ohyo… #7 would be good for ohyo as pooh. I might not have submitted this if I had known that everyone already knew about it… The one time I read a forwarded email….

    Dan’s last blog post.. My todo list:

  5. Ever since the first time I saw this list I have wanted to watch/hear Ohyo perform #10. Extra points if he would wear his Winnie the Pooh costume first.

    #7 is also good for Winnie the Pooh.

    HT’s last blog post.. Christmas Music?

  6. I’m familiar with the story, too, and my favorite is still the “hiding in the rack of clothes” idea. Sounds like something Daniel Dragula would do.

  7. I’ve heard that in a different version… it was just a list of things to do if you found yourself bored in walmart… this is an interesting twist to it.

    ZePuKa’s last blog post.. I?m Bored.

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